I Tried Making ZaSu's Fudge. It Was a Disaster.

Movie history has always been one of my passions.  I love looking up information about film stars going back to the days of the silent (in other words, spending time on the internet looking up interesting stuff instead of cleaning my house), and there are several of those old reels I've come to love.  One actress I recently researched was ZaSu Pitts.



ZaSu was a comedic actress who normally portrayed nervous, fluttery types, but in 1924 she starred in Erich Von Stroheim's "Greed" as Trina Sieppe, a miserly, unlikable woman who didn't want to part with a nickel of a $5,000 lottery win. Trina ended up first having her fingers bitten off by her husband (pissed because she wouldn't give him any money), then he kills her in a drunken rage.  Unless you think this was very lurid stuff for the silent era, remember that these were pre-code days. 

Anyhow, back to ZaSu.  She was also an expert candy maker, having learned from her mother, and used to carry bags of homemade treats to the film sets, from the silent era right up to the days of early television.  Before her death in 1963, she co-authored a cookbook called "Candy Hits by ZaSu Pitts", which was published after she passed on.  I was fortunate to find a copy of the book online; I also found the recipe for her fudge.

It looked simple enough, and I decided to give it a whirl.  Silly me.  Silly, silly, overconfident, overblown-ego me.  I'm a master of the variety made with chocolate chips and marshmallow creme...why should Miss Pitts' recipe be any different? What could be so hard about this?
The recipe called for a candy thermometer, so tra-la-la, I merrily skipped down to the Food Lion and purchased one.  I returned home and began assembling my ingredients, already fantasizing about the raves I was going to get, along with requests for more of my newest chocolate confection.  Easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy.

An hour later, my ego was burst with a splintery wooden spoon.  I was spouting words that should have earned a bar of red Lifebuoy soap in my mouth.  I was crushed, pissed, humiliated, shamed.  This fudge turned out crumbly and grainy, though it tasted okay.  How could this have happened?
Here's a lesson, Sue Sue.  Learn to read the stupid candy thermometer before you use it.  I had blithely attached it to the side of the pot and began the cooking process without understanding how to use it first.

When ZaSu wrote that one should gently boil the sugar mixture until it reaches 238 degrees, she meant it.  No room for error there.  I think I took it off at 240.  When she says let it cool until it reaches 165 degrees, one does it.  Not down to 160 because you're watching a repeat of the Big Bang Theory and getting all caught up in the first time Sheldon and Amy do the deed.  Five degrees meant the difference between smooth and crumbly.  When I spread it in the pan it simply fell apart into jagged, ugly cracks.  I swear one of those cracks was in the form of a mocking grin.

So I googled what to do when fudge turns out like this, and I managed to kinda sorta salvage it, by throwing the stuff in a pan with a little evaporated milk, melting it back down, stirring it, then pouring it back in the square pan.  Better, but still not what it's supposed to be.  Ack!!!

Will I try it again?  Yes, I will.  This recipe ain't gonna beat me. But I'm buying a shiny digital candy thermometer with big ass numbers on it.  In the meantime, one of my granddaughters is coming next weekend to make fudge with Nana, and we'll do what I know will succeed.  She thinks I'm a genius in the kitchen, and I'm not going to burst that sweet little bubble. Uh-uh.